Summertime Blues

Summer is now approaching and it's bringing with it a restlessness to be out and about and doing things. However, this is emphasizing, in a way, the isolation I sometimes feel being separated from my friends and family in the U.S. Despite having lived abroad before - Germany, England & Canada for a total of about two years - I really have been unprepared for the homesickness and feeling torn between two worlds that never seems to end. Not to mention the daily challenges of learning and speaking a new language.

I don't know if modern technology like free internet phone, Facebook, Twitter, etc. helps or hurts. On one hand, it's great to have updates and information for my friends back in the States, but on the other hand, I see every day all that I am missing in my life here. A niece I have never met, a good friend that has suddenly died, concerts and groups and life and activities that I won't ever be a part of if I choose to stay in France. Living 90 miles from Paris makes life very "so close, yet so far". It's close enough to spend the day there seeing a movie or eating a yummy Indian meal that I can't get out in the sticks, but just far enough to be hassle to get in ($50 just for the train).

The little things I took for granted living in a big city in the U.S. are just harder here and the longer I am here - as the newness wears off and real life settles in - the bigger the hole I feel is left by my "old life". Simply going out to see a movie in English or browse around an English-language bookstore (Powells, I miss you!) is an event that you have to plan - 90 minutes (and a chunk of change) on the train to Paris or, if I just want to see the movie - an hour by car to the nearest "big" cities (Orleans, Blois or Chartres). While I have made new friends here they, too, are scattered an hour in each direction, making get-togethers less than spontaneous. I just miss going out shopping, for lunch or to a movie with my friends.

I love my husband and I love France but, dang, I just did not expect this 'new life' to be so hard to get used to...